Reality Of Trauma And Regaining One’s Power

Many people who have the physical diagnoses of fat disorders such as Lipedema, Dercum’s Disease are said to have trauma in their history. Many with eating disorders have a similar background.

I’ve come to know many, many people who are in this circle of physical health and emotional concerns with that history.

Trauma if left as it is, can make one’s life less than it could be. It can ruin a life. It can shorten a life. It can impact future generations.

Don’t throw away the power you have by allowing yourself to linger in a life that isn’t all that it could be.

I learned this mostly by taking myself by the hand and pulling and pushing myself forward. Sometimes through therapy sometimes in having my life move forward. all on my own.

Life has a way of taking that blank slate of a precious baby each of us once were and puts emotional dings, scrapes, dark marks and dents into our sense of self and world view.

Many of the world’s ills are passed down from one  generation after the other. Humans are the most capable creatures we know of on the planet, yet we seldom seize our own power we have to heal ourselves. If we can’t heal up some of the junk we emotionally carry around, the world is having to live without all the positive we have to offer it.

If we aren’t careful, we can end up knowingly or unknowingly wallowing in the muck of other’s dysfunction and take on  a confused toxic world view.

Is this really a social issue?

1 in 3 children are abused physically, sexually or emotionally by age 14. Then consider how many young adults are abused by significant others physically, sexually or emotionally in their 20’s 30’s and into the twilight years. It’s not uncommon for people to have layers of abusive experiences that puts them in a mental haze and inner physical turmoil that changes even their brain chemistry.

The important point I wish to make is don’t shy away from doing the work needed to rebuild yourself. Your value and my value is not based on the attitudes of those who in the past have harmed us.

I have had to rebuild myself and when I was up and running again, even though still in the process of repair, some people would say they didn’t know me anymore. I was nothing like the girl who would roll over and play dead on command.

Oh well.

Reality can be painful but it forces you to live where you have the most power in your life. Reality is where growth takes place. Where there is growth then life changing positive decisions can happen.

So if you haven’t done so already, find power and purpose in rebuilding in yourself what needs to be rebuilt.

There is no reason to apologize for believing every life has a place and deserves respect and dignity. You will be forced to include yourself in these ranks the more you understand.

Once you really learn and understand this and know that you are worthy,, you won’t settle for the dysfunction you’ve taken part in or subjected on yourself.

Be prepared because as an individual heals, those who are wallowing in the dysfunction will try to pull you back. Your health is too unsettling  to their world and for them it’s uncomfortable. Pick and choose your battles. Sometimes you can maintain relationships and there are times when you have to walk away. Each situation is different. Forgiveness is fine, self preservation when based on what you know to be true, is a must.

If you have the feeling that in their eyes you are expendable, if they leave you feeling small and not worthy, and there is a long history of such behaviors and attitudes, it’s ok to walk away.  They may raise a fuss through dysfunctional means, but that should only strengthen your resolve to not waste your time with them.

 

Find a wuiet Sunny spot in yourself where you feel safe.
Appreciate each stage of life
Hold close to good memories
Peace is the center of healing.

ODE TO A CHOCOLATE BAR

” Whatever you did with that Symphony Chocolate Bar, get it and destroy it. Throw it out”, I told my husband as I saw the hurt look on his face.

I had asked him to bring it home to me as I laid in pain from Dercum’s Disease. I was weak and the request for the chocolate to be brought home came out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying.

I ate 4 squares of the chocolate bar, left 4/5ths of the oversized giant bar of chocolate in it’s wrapper for another time. My husband had taken it to keep it out of reach for me, at my request.

But I noticed something that wouldn’t surprise most savvy nutrition smart doctors. Eating just that small amount of chocolate created inside me a ravishing hunger to eat foods I had avoided for over a month. Sugary unhealthy foods rushed into my mind.

For over a month I hadn’t felt any need for sugary foods, not even chocolate. My cravings had gone from strong to non existent literally the moment I went vegan. So why in blazes did I open the flood gate again by having even a small bit of chocolate?

The pain I have from Dercum’s Disease is so strong so much of the time, and there is little that can be done about it. This time the pain was a doozy that landed me in bed for two days.

So yes, I admit it. I cheated and ate something with dairy and sugar in it.  I know much more of that chocolate bar awaited me just for the asking. I knew what I had to do.That chocolate bar was going to have to take the hit for this, and I knew that didn’t mean being eaten by anyone in our home.

My husband looked confused when I asked him to throw the candy bar out.

” You only ate four tiny bites. It’s not the end of the world.” he said.

I cut him off saying,”Please Tim, just do as I ask. It gave me cravings I’ve not had for weeks and I can’t go back to all that again.”

Being the dutiful husband he threw out the candy bar.

That was yesterday. Today I dined on cabbage soup, a veggie burger, and lots of salad. Back on track just in time to see pound 22 had rolled off me.  The experience of how close I could have been lost in old food habits was not lost on me.

Ode To A Chocolate Bar

Oh Candy Bar you are so sweet, through pain our paths did cross.

You slayed me with your darkened charm my logic was all lost.

Four bites I took like a maniac, who had forgotten her own way.

You were set aside for future plans but then my brain did say.

“That tasted good, now lets have lots more, I really want more now

You’ll do my bidding, I’m in charge, now don’t be proud!”

All this nonsense from candy sweet, I couldn’t let that stand.

“I’m in control, not you!.” I said.  I assigned my best hitman.

My husband did the deed alright, he tossed you out, chocolate bar.

I’m breaking up with you because my health’s  worth more, by far.