Reality Of Trauma And Regaining One’s Power

Many people who have the physical diagnoses of fat disorders such as Lipedema, Dercum’s Disease are said to have trauma in their history. Many with eating disorders have a similar background.

I’ve come to know many, many people who are in this circle of physical health and emotional concerns with that history.

Trauma if left as it is, can make one’s life less than it could be. It can ruin a life. It can shorten a life. It can impact future generations.

Don’t throw away the power you have by allowing yourself to linger in a life that isn’t all that it could be.

I learned this mostly by taking myself by the hand and pulling and pushing myself forward. Sometimes through therapy sometimes in having my life move forward. all on my own.

Life has a way of taking that blank slate of a precious baby each of us once were and puts emotional dings, scrapes, dark marks and dents into our sense of self and world view.

Many of the world’s ills are passed down from one  generation after the other. Humans are the most capable creatures we know of on the planet, yet we seldom seize our own power we have to heal ourselves. If we can’t heal up some of the junk we emotionally carry around, the world is having to live without all the positive we have to offer it.

If we aren’t careful, we can end up knowingly or unknowingly wallowing in the muck of other’s dysfunction and take on  a confused toxic world view.

Is this really a social issue?

1 in 3 children are abused physically, sexually or emotionally by age 14. Then consider how many young adults are abused by significant others physically, sexually or emotionally in their 20’s 30’s and into the twilight years. It’s not uncommon for people to have layers of abusive experiences that puts them in a mental haze and inner physical turmoil that changes even their brain chemistry.

The important point I wish to make is don’t shy away from doing the work needed to rebuild yourself. Your value and my value is not based on the attitudes of those who in the past have harmed us.

I have had to rebuild myself and when I was up and running again, even though still in the process of repair, some people would say they didn’t know me anymore. I was nothing like the girl who would roll over and play dead on command.

Oh well.

Reality can be painful but it forces you to live where you have the most power in your life. Reality is where growth takes place. Where there is growth then life changing positive decisions can happen.

So if you haven’t done so already, find power and purpose in rebuilding in yourself what needs to be rebuilt.

There is no reason to apologize for believing every life has a place and deserves respect and dignity. You will be forced to include yourself in these ranks the more you understand.

Once you really learn and understand this and know that you are worthy,, you won’t settle for the dysfunction you’ve taken part in or subjected on yourself.

Be prepared because as an individual heals, those who are wallowing in the dysfunction will try to pull you back. Your health is too unsettling  to their world and for them it’s uncomfortable. Pick and choose your battles. Sometimes you can maintain relationships and there are times when you have to walk away. Each situation is different. Forgiveness is fine, self preservation when based on what you know to be true, is a must.

If you have the feeling that in their eyes you are expendable, if they leave you feeling small and not worthy, and there is a long history of such behaviors and attitudes, it’s ok to walk away.  They may raise a fuss through dysfunctional means, but that should only strengthen your resolve to not waste your time with them.

 

Find a wuiet Sunny spot in yourself where you feel safe.
Appreciate each stage of life
Hold close to good memories
Peace is the center of healing.

Easy Enjoyable Travel And Still Lose Weight And Manage Chronic Illness

Wrote this in May of 2018: For the first time since I can remember, this past week I traveled and came back home weighing less than when I had left on the trip. I had more energy to endure the trip as well. I want to thank the guidance I have received from the books of Dr. Neal Barnard to help this miracle happen.  Saying it was a “miracle” is no exaggeration. Sticking with a low fat, 100% plant based diet with no added sugars or oils  has made it possible.

Everyone worries about gaining weight when they travel. For those of us with Dercum’s Disease, Lipedema and Lymphedema, where it’s common to gain 12 pounds of lymphatic inflammation weight in ONE DAY, we typically dread traveling. It’s not because of calories, it’s because of too much activity, our legs being down too much, stress, lymphatic issues and eating inflammatory foods common to most people’s way of eating. For me it takes time off my feet and bed rest to lose those 15 lymphatic fluid pounds. It’s horrendously painful.  (Thanks Dercum’s Disease). How Someone Can Gain 15 Pounds In One Day Stanford Video

On this recent trip my husband had to drive us nine hours through three states, for me to see a specialist at the Ohio State University Medical Center in Columbus, Ohio for my Dercum’s Disease. Having just lost 32 pounds, lowered my LDL cholesterol 57%, and finally reduced my swelling and inflammation a bit from the lymphatic problems, I was dreading the problems a trip like this could cause.

Traditionally, my husband and I would eat fast food by frequenting drive thru places.  We wouldn’t have time to seek out places that served the foods I would need. If my appropriate dining options only offered ice berg lettuce in a dish, I would be driven back to eating what I simply couldn’t do again.  If I brought anything with me it would have to be raw. If the “raw” was not as tasty as I managed to make my food at home, I would be tempted to  eat forbidden food.

As it turned out, I found a way to stick to the foods that would allow me the energy to enjoy the trip AND keep that pesky 15 pounds of lymph weight from piling on. I even lost weight.

This is what worked for me and could work for you:

 1) For car trips, bring  your own food.  It was very easy  to stock our cooler with individual meals that included unsalted raw and roasted nuts, nutritional yeast, greens, riced cruciferous vegetables, meaty high fiber black beans, salsa and luscious strawberries.  The idea was to have them handy incase at any meal situation there were no appropriate food choices over the following 3 days.  The idea was also to make sure that there was joy in the meal through textures, flavors and color. My food was overflowing with life, balanced nutrition, and flavor.  I was happy to eat it. Never deprived.

Summer Strauberry salad

 

2) If you must eat out, look for places with at least a veggie burger and/or good fresh salad bar. Never did find a veggie burger but we did find places serving salad and fruit. If there isn’t a non animal protein source on the salad bar, have some nuts in a baggie at your disposal to toss on.  Here, fresh peas are the perfect protein. Most places have lemon slices and  that is perfect to use in place of salad dressing.

Summer Vegetable Fruit Salad

 

3) Be willing to be reasonably flexible when traveling with others.  The trip can’t be about just your needs, it has to respect the others traveling with you as well. Being able to compromise is key. For us the trade off was that my husband wanted to eat a certain style of food that I could not. I did the plate of vegetable toppings at a sub shop so he could get a sub. A man has to eat and on his own terms. I can still reasonably take care of myself and eat as well.

Another meal I ordered in a restaurant was a small pizza with no cheese but with a pile of mushrooms, side of roasted, with no butter or oil, carrots.  It was not 100% on target for how I usually eat, but it was a reasonable choice so my husband could at least eat something he preferred.  It was important to watch the size of the portion of the pizza that I ate for one that meal.  It was good to see my husband happy with what he ate. And I really enjoyed one bit of a diet splurge on eating part of the pizza for that meal. I could still enjoy the social aspect of eating in a pub with my husband.

 

 

4) Location, Location, Location .   Do a little research and see if a plant-based diet friendly store such as Trader Joes, Whole Foods, Fresh Thyme, or even Aldi is somewhere close to where you will be staying.  You likely will have to replenish your fresh food supply even if it’s just finding a package of raw nuts to toss on a simple salad you pick up on the way home.  We lucked out. There was a  Whole Foods store directly across from our hotel. Also a couple vegan friendly restaurants literally just feet away from where we stayed.

 

Summer Traveling Healthy Food Access

 

5) Build in time and opportunities to mentally and spiritually find joys that are not food related. This is important for those who feel they are giving up the fun food they equate with road trips. People tend to allow themselves foods that typically they wouldn’t normally eat. Gas station foods such as candy bars, soda pop, chips, and other road trip staples you want but say no to yourself regarding, can make it more likely that you will finally will give in. Find a different trade off. We were just an hour from my most favorite place while I was a student at Miami University. We took a detour to spend a few moments there. It helped me to stay connected to joys in life. It was an emotional spiritual luxury to spend time there.

Miami University Boat House At Duck Pond

 

6) Honor what you know to be true about your chronic illness. For me it means using a motorized scooter so that I don’t build up too much lymphatic fluid and lactic acid.  I didn’t over schedule myself.  There was rest and down time.

The medically successful visit to my specialist had a lovely time with my husband and enjoyed the food every step of the way. It was all so relaxing for us both.  I still got to celebrate that moment of victory when I weighed myself the first morning after returning home. Who says you can’t have it all?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ODE TO A CHOCOLATE BAR

” Whatever you did with that Symphony Chocolate Bar, get it and destroy it. Throw it out”, I told my husband as I saw the hurt look on his face.

I had asked him to bring it home to me as I laid in pain from Dercum’s Disease. I was weak and the request for the chocolate to be brought home came out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying.

I ate 4 squares of the chocolate bar, left 4/5ths of the oversized giant bar of chocolate in it’s wrapper for another time. My husband had taken it to keep it out of reach for me, at my request.

But I noticed something that wouldn’t surprise most savvy nutrition smart doctors. Eating just that small amount of chocolate created inside me a ravishing hunger to eat foods I had avoided for over a month. Sugary unhealthy foods rushed into my mind.

For over a month I hadn’t felt any need for sugary foods, not even chocolate. My cravings had gone from strong to non existent literally the moment I went vegan. So why in blazes did I open the flood gate again by having even a small bit of chocolate?

The pain I have from Dercum’s Disease is so strong so much of the time, and there is little that can be done about it. This time the pain was a doozy that landed me in bed for two days.

So yes, I admit it. I cheated and ate something with dairy and sugar in it.  I know much more of that chocolate bar awaited me just for the asking. I knew what I had to do.That chocolate bar was going to have to take the hit for this, and I knew that didn’t mean being eaten by anyone in our home.

My husband looked confused when I asked him to throw the candy bar out.

” You only ate four tiny bites. It’s not the end of the world.” he said.

I cut him off saying,”Please Tim, just do as I ask. It gave me cravings I’ve not had for weeks and I can’t go back to all that again.”

Being the dutiful husband he threw out the candy bar.

That was yesterday. Today I dined on cabbage soup, a veggie burger, and lots of salad. Back on track just in time to see pound 22 had rolled off me.  The experience of how close I could have been lost in old food habits was not lost on me.

Ode To A Chocolate Bar

Oh Candy Bar you are so sweet, through pain our paths did cross.

You slayed me with your darkened charm my logic was all lost.

Four bites I took like a maniac, who had forgotten her own way.

You were set aside for future plans but then my brain did say.

“That tasted good, now lets have lots more, I really want more now

You’ll do my bidding, I’m in charge, now don’t be proud!”

All this nonsense from candy sweet, I couldn’t let that stand.

“I’m in control, not you!.” I said.  I assigned my best hitman.

My husband did the deed alright, he tossed you out, chocolate bar.

I’m breaking up with you because my health’s  worth more, by far.